


the truth will set you free (but you're safer in your cage)

by Aesthetic_Apples



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Chief of Staff Edward Nygma, Fade to Black, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Matchmaking, Mayor Oswald Cobblepot, Season/Series 03, Truth Serum, and there is usage of Profanity, but i really didnt think it needed to be M, but like violent and invasive matchmaking, but thats just barbara for you, gets a little spicy not gonna lie to you folks, kind of, like i just took what i wanted from canon and then left it to rot on the side of the road
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 02:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30031452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aesthetic_Apples/pseuds/Aesthetic_Apples
Summary: In which Barbara Kean bullies- or, as she would describe it, *politely convinces* Hugo Strange to give up a vial of truth serum, and uses it to help poor, lonely Oswald Cobblepot finally get his man.Oswald really doesn't appreciate the effort.He'll thank her later.
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma, Tabitha Galavan/Barbara Kean
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41





	the truth will set you free (but you're safer in your cage)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm gonna be honest I wrote half of this like a year ago when I was watching the show and never finished it and then Yesterday i was like,,,, holy shit oswald and ed are in love??? i need to finish that fic???
> 
> also look i barely remeber the show but even i know that this isn't really compliant to any point in canon lmao. why is strange at arkham while oswald is mayor? who knows. not me. very sorry.
> 
> !!!! anyway also also QUICK TRIGGER WARNING i guess uhhh this is truth serum so barb kinda outs oswald in front of ed, i just feel like there should be a warning in case youve had a bad experience with being outed? idk maybe its stupid but i dont wanna hurt anybody i love yall !!!!!

“I’m afraid that’s just not proper, Ms. Kean. It would be irresponsible to simply give you something of such a caliber, you understand,” Strange said, peering at Barbara calmly through his glasses.

Tabitha, who had been leaning against the door, straightened up and took a step forward. “If you think we couldn’t just take it-”

“Tabby, darling,  _ please _ . Doctor, you know I’d never do anything irresponsible. I’m sane, remember? You said so yourself,” she flashed an exaggerated smile, tapping her decidedly not tortured noggin, “Besides, it’s for a good cause. I’m helping our mutual friend Oswald!”

Tabby snorted. Barb shot her a glare over her shoulder before leaning toward Strange with a far too innocent smile.

“And if you continue to refuse, do keep in mind that my dear, sweet Tabitha can and will use an obscene amount of force to help me achieve my goal.”

“I still think this is stupid.”

Barbara turned with a dangerous smile. “Tabby. Sweetheart. My love. If you have nothing helpful to say…”

Strange cleared his throat uncomfortably, wondering whether he was going to make it out of this little encounter alive. He had a vacation scheduled next week and it would be a shame if he were to die before he could go... Lord knows he needed it. “I do have quite a lot to do, and erm...you do make a convincing argument,” he eyed Tabitha, “I would be delighted to fill your request.”

He did not feel delighted in the slightest. In fact, the only thing he felt was a headache coming on as he turned and opened the safe behind his desk. He forced a rather pained smile as he put the vial on his desk.

“This is enough truth serum for one person. It is to be distributed orally. And you may keep the vial,  _ please _ dont bother yourselves to return it. Thank you for the lovely chat, Ms. Kean, Ms. Gallivan. Mr. Jefferson will show you out,” he said, gesturing to the guard at the door and beginning to consider going into hiding completely so as to avoid all visitors indefinitely.

He fished in his desk drawer for a little  _ medicine _ , wondering where his life went wrong.

10:30 in the morning was a little early to get drunk, but if the day kept going like this, he wasn’t sure he was going to make it.

•••

“I really don’t understand why we’re doing this, Barb.”

“Because I truly care about Oswald and I want to see him happy!”

Tabitha looked up from polishing her gun (her  _ favorite _ gun) and stared at her.

“Okay, I just think it’ll be funny. Besides, I have literally nothing better to do and I’m bored,” Barb pouted.

Tabitha just rolled her eyes. “It’s stupid.”

“No! Helping out a freind in need is never stupid… and you know what they say- ‘one good turn deserves another.’ He’s gonna owe us big time.”

Tabitha’s grin was predatory. “And admit it... it's gonna be absolutely hilarious to watch that little weasel humiliate himself.”

•••

The door to Oswald’s study flew open with a bang, startling him out of his daydreams of a certain chief of staff. He took a deep breath and tried to calm the fire in his cheeks before staring intently at a random piece of paper on his desk and pretending he was thoroughly invested in- the city hall rat infestation. Huh. 

“Oswald! You’re really working yourself to death in here, so I thought I’d treat you to one of my signature cocktails. I make really good cocktails,” Barbara sing-songed, breezing through the doorway.

Oswald looked up from the paper he had been feigning focus on to see Barbara’s sickly sweet smile a little too close for comfort. He startled backwards, nearly falling out of his chair in an attempt to regain his personal space. She simply giggled and sat on his desk, setting down a glass of suspiciously bright green liquid.

“I worry about you, working as hard as you do, Ozzy,” she pouted, smoothing her bangs with a manicured hand.

He narrowed his eyes at the show, trying to regain his composure and figure out just what the hell was going on. “Really? Because this is far from the most overworked I’ve been even this  _ week _ , Barbara.”

“Why can’t I just do something nice for my friend,” she simpered.

Oswald simply raised an eyebrow, pursing his lips and leaning back in his chair, and he could practically see Barbara initiating plan B. 

He contemplated running away. 

“Fine. I just wanted a friend to try out my new recipe, but if you really don’t care…”

“Why not Tabitha? Or Butch? Or literally anyone who isn’t  _ busy _ ,” Oswald said, straightening the papers on his desk to prove his point.

“Well I wanted  _ you _ to try it, Ozzy. You’re my friend! My friend with the best taste. What are you so busy with anyway? Whatever had you blushing when I came in here? Clearly mayoral work must be far more  _ interesting  _ that I had previously thought,” she smirked.

Oswald sputtered indignantly. “It’s hot in here! A-and I’m busy with confidential mayoral business, so if you  _ please _ , I’d like to get back to it,” he stuttered, fixing his eyes resolutely on his desk and hoping she’d go away. 

When he was met with silence, he glanced up to see Barbara inches away, face set. She gripped his face and pushed the glass towards him. He made a garbled noise of horror, scrambled out of his chair, and limped away, Barb close behind.

“It’s for your own good, Ozzy! I’m doing this because I care! You’ll thank me eventually,” she said sweetly, cornering him against the wall. He glanced around wildly looking for an escape, and tried to waddle away, but without his cane, Barbara was far faster. He cursed his bad leg, not for the first time, and tried once more to run.

There was a brief scuffle in which a lamp was sent tumbling to the floor and his papers ended up scattered about the study. Oswald ended up trapped against the wall, his hands pinned above his head and Barbara grinning in triumph.

Oswald abandoned his pride. “Help! HELP! She’s trying to poison me!”

Barbara silenced him by pouring her entire concoction down his throat. He sputtered and choked at the awful taste but swallowed all the same. The glass fell to the floor and shattered on the carpet.

“You idiot, I’m not trying to poison you. I'm trying to help you. This is for your own good,” Barbara panted, keeping him pinned to the wall as he thrashed about. 

“Oswald? What’s going on? Is everything- oh,” Ed’s voice flooded into the room, cutting off with a strangled noise when he saw their rather intimate position. Faces inches apart, both out of breath, and Barb’s hand still holding his wrists above his head, it was certainly easy to misinterpret. Oswald cursed every deity that had ever been worshipped for his rotten luck. Taking advantage of Barb’s momentary distraction, he yanked his hands from her grasp and shoved her away, straightening his clothes. 

Turning his attention back to the doorway, Oswald took a moment to appreciate how Ed looked. (He always had a moment to appreciate how Ed looked. Oswald’s mother taught him to take time and appreciate art.) Haloed in the light of a lamp from the hallway behind him, Ed’s appearance gave the impression that he just dropped whatever he had been doing at the sound of the commotion. His hair was ruffled and his usual sharp suit jacket was nowhere to be seen, leaving him in a rumpled button down shirt that did  _ things _ to Oswald.

“It’s not what it looks like,” he said frantically to Ed, who looked stunned, standing stock still in the doorway. And seeming, for once in his life, at a loss for words.

Barbara shot him a look full of false hurt and laid a hand on her heart. “Ozzy! I thought we had something. Why must you hurt me so?”

Gods, he hated her sometimes. All the time. Every day. She was going to  _ pay _ for this little stunt, so help him-

He shot her a furious glare, hoping to convey that her death was going to be drawn out and painful. She simply raised a perfect eyebrow at him in silent challenge. Oswald opened his mouth, hoping to give her the details of exactly how he was going to slowly kill her, but was cut off by Ed clearing his throat weakly.

“Can someone please tell me what’s going on in here?”

“ _ Barbara _ poisoned me! We need to get to the hospital, now- my whole day is thrown off. Where’s my cane-”

“It wasn’t poison, dear.”

“Then what the  _ fuck  _ did you force down my throat?!”

“I can’t just  _ tell _ you, that’ll ruin all the fun-”

Ed cut off their argument before it could really begin. “So you two aren’t having some sort of… affair? Because if you are, I need to know. It’s a factor I need to consider because I- When I’m managing your public image.”

Oswald made a disgusted noise and took a step away from Barbara. Barbara burst into hysterical laughter.

Ed looked vaguely offended.

“I’m not really his type, if you catch my meaning,” Barbara giggled in explanation, “Isn’t that right, Ozzy?”

And then.

Against his will, the words spilled out of his mouth. “Of course not; I prefer men.” 

The room went dead silent, and Oswald seriously considered throwing himself out the nearest window headfirst. Or perhaps pitching Barbara out to hear her scream. 

He wasn’t in the closet  _ per se _ but his…  _ inclinations _ weren’t really something he discussed with people. More out of habit- formed from a long history of being mercilessly bullied- than anything else, but he had really hoped to breach the subject with Ed in a gentler way. 

Oh he was going to  _ kill _ Barbara.

Ed let out a strangled ‘ _ what’. _ Oswald felt a twinge of pity. He had never seen the poor man so bewildered.

Barbara looked absolutely delighted.

Oswald turned on her, furious. “What the  _ hell _ was in that drink?!”

Barbara clapped gleefully. “Truth serum darling! Straight from our dear friend Hugo Strange himself, and it appears to work just as I had hoped! Tell me, how do you think Eddie looks right now?”

“H-he... I….h-h-he,” Oswald tried desperately to stop the words that were forcing themselves out, clenching his fists and pursing his lips. “I- he- I always think he looks incredibly attractive. Eff- effortlessly h-h-h _ andsome. _ ”

The blood rush to his cheeks made his head swim. 

Barbara giggled. “Was that so hard? I think I’ll leave you crazy kids alone,” she paused. “Oh, and Oswald, dear… where can I find the code to your safe? You know- the one in your office at city hall?”

Oswald really tried to force out an ‘I’m not going to tell you,’ or perhaps a lie about the whereabouts of his personal information, but to his dismay and horror, the truth forced its way out. “If you look in my-”

“Miss Kean,” Ed’s sharp voice cut off Oswald as he began to unwillingly spill some rather inconvenient information. “I believe that is enough. I will not allow you to take advantage of Oswald in this way.”

“Mmm, protective! I suppose that means there's really nothing left for me to do here… Have fun boys!” 

With a final wink at Oswald, she turned and sashayed out of the room, closing the ornate doors behind her.

Oswald glared at the doors with the hope that somehow, his stare would kill that- that  _ wench _ with sheer willpower alone.

He would’ve followed her and, you know, eviscerated her, but he really didn’t need to come into contact with anyone in his current _ loose-lipped _ state. Heaven forbid he run into one of his enemies, that godawful  _ Gordon _ for one, he couldn’t even  _ imagine _ what a mess  _ that _ would be-

But he probably shouldn’t stay in this room with Ed either. Or he was going to reveal some information that he really didn’t want to. Well, more information than he already had.

He risked a glance at the man in question, who had been rather uncharacteristically quiet since Oswald’s unwilling confession.

Ed met his eyes and opened his mouth. Closed his mouth. Opened it again.

Oswald beat him to the punch. “Um. Thank you for that- your help with Barbara. You- you don't have to say anything. I- please let us just forget this ever happened,” he huffed out a nervous little laugh, unable to continue looking at what was truly the most attractive, interesting,  _ smart _ , man…

Gods that big brain of his, every time he started talking about some new paper he’d read or breakthrough he’d come to in his own research, things that Oswald could never even  _ hope _ to understand, he just wanted to grab him and kiss him, taste that quick, clever mouth of his, hold him and never let go, this perfect man that somehow cared enough to stand by his side-

A gentle hand on his chin tore him from his thoughts-

Not thoughts-

_ Oh no. _

He had been talking  _ aloud.  _ That damn  _ truth serum _ -

Barb was going to wake up one morning and find herself  _ dead _ .

“Oswald.”

Oswald somehow managed to shut his mouth. To tear his gaze from the floor and meet Ed’s stare. Something in his eyes made Oswald pause.

“Ed?”

“Oswald, can I-” Ed paused, those dark eyes flickering down to Oswald’s lips, still pursed in a desperate attempt to stay silent. “May I kiss you?”

Despite his shock at the question (and the fear in the back of his head that this wasn’t real- how could it be? He’d been dreaming about it for months now but Ed didn’t- he  _ couldn't- _ feel the same) Oswald somehow managed to choke out a strangled, “ _ please, _ ” and suddenly Ed’s lips were pressed against his.

And  _ oh _ it was everything he had ever imagined, everything he’d wanted for months. Ed’s mouth was soft and sweet, and for all the times Oswald had imagined their first kiss being frantic, desperate, this was almost- tender.

Oswald let out a desperate whimper as Ed’s slender fingers caressed his cheekbones and he deepened the kiss. His own hands slid up to grasp the collar of Ed’s rumpled button-down, and Ed pulled back slightly.

He opened his eyes to the beautiful sight of Ed- flushed, panting, pupils blown wide- and tried to catch his breath.

“Oswald…” Ed breathed, kissing his cheeks, his jaw, his lips, his nose. 

“I love you,” Oswald gasped before he could stop himself, the effects of the truth serum laying his cards on the table.

Ed pulled Oswald back in for another kiss- and  _ there _ was the desperation, the  _ need _ that was present in all of Oswald’s late-night fantasies. Ed’s hands came up and tugged at Oswald’s hair, pulling his head back as he deepened the kiss and did things with his tongue that made Oswald gasp and squirm and pull Ed closer, impossibly close, pressing every inch of them together. Ed’s knee slotted between Oswald’s legs as they continued to press together and he suddenly found it very difficult to stand- his bad ankle and the dizzying surge of arousal were not a combination conducive to keeping him on his feet. Ed felt Oswald’s weight shift and they stumbled backwards until Oswald’s thighs hit the edge of his desk. Ed hoisted Oswald onto it effortlessly (and oh that was hot, so  _ hot _ ) and crowded in between his thighs, turning his attention to Oswald’s neck.

“Did you mean it,” Ed gasped, his voice deeper than Oswald had ever heard it, sending a wave of heat through his body. Oswald couldn’t even bring himself to care about his tie (100% silk), as Ed’s fingers tugged it off and threw it somewhere over his shoulder. Ed unbuttoned his collar and his hot mouth found Oswald’s pale throat.

Oswald whined as Ed bit down, sharp canines piercing the skin, leaving a mark he knew would be there tomorrow. 

“Mean- mmh- mean what? That I love you? I- ghh-  _ fuck- _ ” Oswald choked as Ed’s tongue found a rather sensitive spot behind his ear, “I do love you Ed. So- so much.”

“I- Oswald-” Ed laughed, unable to stop his elation from bubbling up. He moved his head to look into Oswald’s eyes, so dilated that the icy blue was nearly invisible, “I never knew you felt- like that- for me. I- I feel the same- gods, Oswald, I love you too.”

Oswald yanked Ed in for another bruising kiss, and felt Ed’s muscles go slack. He slid his hands up under Ed’s untucked shirt, brushing the soft skin of his lower back and he felt rather than heard Ed’s choked gasp against his lips.

Ed pulled back again. “But that’s not what I meant when I asked- I meant,” his eyes dropped to Oswald’s throat, “Did you mean it when you said you... like it when I talk? I know I can get over-talkative, you don’t have to say that you like it-”

Shoving his fingers into Ed’s mussed hair and tugging his open mouth into another kiss, Oswald cut off what was surely to be a self-deprecating rant- the only kind of rant he couldn’t tolerate from the man in front of him.

Oh, he was  _ so _ far gone.

“Gods, Ed, of course I meant it. I can’t exactly lie at the moment, remember? When you use that big brain of yours- I can’t even handle it. It’s so-” he buried his nose in Ed’s neck, breathing him in, “You're a genius and it’s so damn  _ hot _ .”

Ed pulled his head up and their lips found each other again with more force than was strictly necessary. Oswald ran his hands up Ed’s sides under his shirt, then clutched his ass, just to hear him groan, to know that  _ he _ was the one making him squirm.

Oswald grinned against Ed’s mouth as he felt a slender hand teasing the waistband of his trousers.

Barbara  _ might _ just live to see another day.

•••

Hugo Strange eyed the neat wrapping paper and sparkly ribbon. 

He eyed the door.

He couldn't have been in the bathroom for more than five minutes…

He rubbed his forehead, feeling his first headache of the day coming on. 

Definitely time to reassess security, because that gaudy little box currently taunting him from it’s position on his desk was not there when he left.

Sighing, he crossed the room and poked at it. It didn’t  _ seem _ sinister. But this  _ was _ Gotham. And he  _ did _ work in an insane asylum. 

One could never be too careful.

He grabbed the note lying next to the source of his troubles and cautiously opened it.

_ Dearest Doctor, _ it read.

_ Thank you  _ so  _ much for that serum you so generously donated to our cause. I’m sure you’ll be happy to know that it proved to be a  _ smashing  _ success.  _ Smashing  _ in every sense of the word… ;) _

_ Please accept this gift as a token of my gratitude. I look forward to conducting more business with you in the future! _

_ XOXO-- _

_ Barbara Kean _

Hugo Strange sat down heavily in his office chair and dropped his head into his hands.

Ethel poked her head in the door and raised her eyebrow at the sinisterly cheerful little box.

“A token of gratitude from a Miss Barbara Kean,” Strange replied.

“Ah,” she took a step into his office. “Drink?”

Strange was already pulling out a bottle of his cheapest liquor and two glasses.

“I believe that is an excellent idea.”

He downed his glass in one swallow.

If this was to become his new normal, he would end up in his own asylum within the year.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos always appreciated


End file.
